last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize