Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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