Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
