Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I came so hard my ears popped.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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