Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
