Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
