In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
