I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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