Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
