Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
