I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I love you.
Bad choice
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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