so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
