so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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