Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize