How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
