don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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