I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
