I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
