Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
