i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize