Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
