I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
