Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
