I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
