i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
