my phone needs a breathalizer
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
