And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
