its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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