I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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