a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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