so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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