Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
