I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
