I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
