i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
