He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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