I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
