Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
