I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
