You're my little dorito
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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