Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
