u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
