I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
