11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
