I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
