picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
