These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
