i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
