whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
