my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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