coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
