so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
