The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
