Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
