Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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