Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are leaves in my underwear?
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