Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
