Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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