We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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