I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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