They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
