New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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