She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
