Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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