I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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