I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize