I checked into jail on foursquare
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
