I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
