oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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