wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize