I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
