The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize