please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize