She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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