Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize