you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
