Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
