I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So vagazzling was a success
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
