I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
