Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
