I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
