Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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