planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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