Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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