Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
