new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
