So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
