She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
