It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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