OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
