It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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