You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
