Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
