I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
