adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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